Finding Solace
by Anisky
Summary: Miranda is introspective. Thinks of how her life has changed since middle school. Warning: Kind of dark, hints at sexual encounters at the end. One-shot.


Title: Finding Solace  
Summary:  Miranda is introspective.  Thinks of how her life has changed since middle school.  Warning: Kind of dark.  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: Miranda, Gordo, Lizzie, and Kate do not belong to me.  They are the property of Disney Channel.  
Reviews: Yes please.  All flames will be put towards my annual campfire where I roast yummy marshmallows.  
  
  
  
  
I remember when we were back in middle school.  All we wanted was to get into high school.  Middle school was just there to get through, we said.  High school is where it really starts.  That's where we wanted to be.  
  
If I'd known how things would turn out, I would have been content to stay in middle school forever.    
  
It was always Lizzie and Miranda and Gordo.  It was Lizzie and Miranda first and foremost; Gordo was great, he really was, but there are some things you just don't share with guys.  Not even Gordo.    
  
Through all of middle school, that's the way it was.  That's the way I liked it.  I had two amazing friends, and one best friend who I could share absolutely anything with.  
  
Well…almost anything.    
  
Halfway through eighth grade…that's when I started to notice something strange.  Was it normal to look at your best friend and notice how her blonde hair spilling onto her shoulders was so beautiful?  Was it normal to look at her pouty lips and wish I could lean over and kiss them, feel her lips against mine?  
  
No.  No, it was not.  It would have been all right to have a crush on Gordo.  But on Lizzie?   
  
Oh, I tried to deny it.  Me? A crush on Lizzie?  Of course not…she was my best friend…it was just that I liked being around her.  Like all best friends.  Right?  
  
When Lizzie came back from Italy and we entered 9th grade, I tried to pretend that I was happy for her.  She'd gotten together with Gordo, it seemed.  Everyone went out about what a cute couple they were, how perfect they were for each other.  I should have been happy for her, right?    
  
So why did I feel like murdering Gordo?  
  
Finally, I had to accept it.  I was in love with Lizzie.  
  
But I could have dealt with that.  Really, I could.  Except that high school was more than just harder work and more people and more choice in classes and…  
  
Yes, there were more people.  But there were more cliques.    
  
Lizzie was Nice, Sweet, and Popular.  Oh, not popular in the way that Kate was, but all the same, she was cute…she was adorable…and everybody saw it.  
  
Me? Cynical, speak-your-mind Miranda?  Well, people weren't as interested.  As Lizzie was liked more and more, and I was like liked less and less… Not to mention the fact that I was no the third wheel.  It's not fun going shopping with your two best friends when they're kissing and flirting and generally ignoring you.  
  
I'm a bit of a loner now, I suppose.  I have some friends, but most of them are druggies, and that's not something that I'm especially interested in.  Things have gone downhill so far. My grades are good, and my parents don't worry.  But it's all gone down the drain.  
  
Despite all that's happened, I still love Lizzie.   I see her in the halls sometimes, usually kissing Gordo.  I sigh wistfully and just continue on my way.  When my gothic, misfit friends make fun of Lizzie, I join right in.  What else can I do?  
  
And now…something that I never thought I'd do has been going on.  
  
I was so lonely, and so was She.  I never liked Her; I still don't.  But still, here I am, lying in this bed and pretending that with her curvy body and blonde hair, it is Lizzie.  
  
She threatens me.  She tells me that if I ever tell anybody, that she'll have her friends beat me up.  She's just as cruel to me in the hallways as she was during middle school.  But…both of us need solace.  Both of us are hiding what we really are.  She's just better at it than me, is all.    
  
So here I am, lying in bed with Kate, both of us pretending that it's somebody else next to us.  Who knows who she really wants.  Heaven knows it's not me.    
  
I wonder if I'd said something to Lizzie how this would all be different.  But, really, who cares?  


End file.
